Sept. 23rd, and two tiny pills...now what?

Two tiny pills that helped us welcome Lily, made such a huge impact...when they didn't work.

Two tiny pills, that didn't help us make it to Sept. 23rd (Sept. 23rd was our due date with the baby that was supposed to be the last on for us).

I was cleaning my cabinet one day looking for who knows what. I honestly can't remember what I was looking for, b/c when I started moving things around, I found a bottle of pills that brought back such strong emotions. I was put on these pills with Lily to help sustain my pregnancy. I had a love/hate relationship with them. Love, because they helped bless us with our beautiful Lily. Hate, b/c they made me useless. I was horribly sick, and remember feeling so bad for Brett and Molly until weeks 17 when I was taken off of them. Yes, from 4.5 weeks to week 17. I felt like a whole new person once that medication was out of my system. If you're new, or don't know about our history...you can read it in this post.

We finally decided to start thinking about having another baby again after two losses, and Miss Lily joining us. However, I was so nervous b/c of the past we had that I was actually going back and forth. I couldn't decide if I could go through all those trials again. I told Brett when I got pregnant with Lily, that if we lost another one, I wasn't sure if I could it again. I started feeling sick, and tired, and knew those symptoms all too well. I was pregnant. This wasn't actually planned as I was still flipping back and forth. So I figured Heavenly Father was tired of me being so indecisive and made the decision for me. Ahhh...such a relief. We found out right before my mom's 50th birthday, and thought it was such a great birthday present. I got a hold of the doctors office at 10:15, and had taken my first Progesterone pill by 1:30. I actually took water with me, so I could take it as soon as I picked up the prescription. Brett was going to school, and working, so I was nervous how I would deal with the sickness with Molly and Lily, but knew I would make it through, and we would have a baby at the end. I couldn't wait to have a newborn session, and have my local friends come over, and we would just photograph this baby all the time. I was also pregnant with several other women, and was so excited to go through this wonderful journey with these women. I had a friend that was also a photographer in Houston, and we had already started talking about shooting our babies' newborn sessions together. I had all sorts of plans. We already knew the name depending on if it was a boy or girl. We were so excited. The baby would be due Sept. 23rd, and we even joked that we wouldn't be able to have the baby early enough to have the baby on my BIL's birthday like they had my niece on Brett's. We were excited that we would get the busy time of school starting over with, and then we would welcome the last Ashcraft baby to our family. The girls were excited, and we couldn't wait. That happiness would once again turn into such a familiar territory of sadness, and confusion.

Right before my first appt. I was just feeling off. I wasn't feeling like things were right. We had my first appt. and we started the u/s. Brett was with me, and when the u/s started I remember my eyes turning into a tunnel. That feeling was so familiar, and I already had tears welling up. I had already seen a baby of mine at 5.5 weeks, and knew this wasn't right. There wasn't a heartbeat on the screen, nor could we hear one. The doctor said that this wasn't abnormal for some women, b/c they could actually ovulate later than what they though. So he told me to come back in 2 weeks, and we would check again. Brett could see the look in my eyes. We knew this wasn't normal for me, considering my cycles come like clockwork. We knew this wasn't normal. So, we waited, and I continued taking my Progesterone....just in case I was wrong. I wanted so desperately to be wrong. The week before Valentine's Day...my body took over. I started miscarrying. I remember calling Brett, and he told me he would get off work as soon as he could. My mom left work, and we scheduled an appt. with my doctor for that afternoon. My wonderful friend Dayna came over, and took Lily as I was just sitting there dazed. We went in, and once again there was no heartbeat. He said it definitely was a little odd, but didn't feel comfortable yet, saying that for sure I was losing the baby. So we had to schedule one more appt, for Valentine's Day. At this point I already knew. I stopped my pills as I was getting the horrible sickness from the pills, and it was pointless to go through that at this point. The worst day of the miscarriage, was a cold, and rainy day. I remember getting a text the night before from my friend Ariane saying she was coming to get Lily the next morning. I was not wanting Lily to leave as she was my comfort during this time. However, I woke up the next morning, and knew Lily needed to go. Ariane came over and packed up Lily in the cold, and rain, and kept her all day. She also picked up Molly from school as they had early dismissal and took my kiddos for the day. Friends brought dinner by that whole week, brought flowers, and candy, and I remember feeling the extreme love from friends as I was going through such a sad time. I had to go back in on Valentine's Day, and get the confirmation through u/s that we had indeed lost this baby. I was extremely confused, sad and angry once again. I didn't understand why any of this had to happen. So, over the next 9 months, I watched women have their babies. I saw these beautiful, innocent babies born, and had to remember, that for some reason, we were not going to have ours. I recently shot a newborn boy, that was one of the cutest babies. He was born 2 days before our baby was due. I had a blast doing his newborn session with two of my photographer friends, but definitely had those sad moments during. I thought I had dealt with my feelings, until recently when something happened, and I felt a rush of emotions. Found myself crying on my way home from a meeting, and realizing that I had indeed shoved all of my thoughts, and emotions into the pit of my stomach. That's how I "dealt." I don't know if we will try for another baby. I do know for the next 2 years we will just be a family of 3. Brett is in the MBA program, I have two little girls and a husband to take care of, and I have my photography business that I love. I will thoroughly enjoy photographing the newborns I get too, and will enjoy seeing these families enjoy one of the best times in their life. I will revisit the possibility of another baby when Brett is done with school, but will also know that if we don't ever get to add to our family, I have two beautiful girls that I absolutely adore and love with all my heart. They are my life, and my joy. They bring so much laughter and love to our home, it is unreal. Thank you Heavenly Father for blessing my with these girls. As hard as it is to have faith during trying times, I will have it. I will have faith that you have a plan for everything, and even though it's not always the plan we want, it is YOUR plan. You know why things need to happen, and I will have faith in you and your plan.

Teachers..and the love I have for them.

We had open house last night at Molly's school. During this open house a parent became quite irritated at the teachers, and spoke up during the open house. Brett and I were both quite appalled at the woman's behavior (and what she said), and she showed she had no hesitation in making herself sound rude. She later made a comment to one of the teachers that left me flabbergasted, and literally had me standing with my mouth hanging open. I couldn't believe someone was actually speaking to these teachers the way they were. Do they not expect respect? Do they not expect their kids to be respectful? Do they not think they need to show respect? I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It really got me thinking, and led me to this post.

I think a lot of parents these days expect the kids to learn SOLELY from the teachers. After all, they're teachers, so they're supposed to be teaching our kids, and our kids should be making straight A's b/c of the teachers. Right?

WRONG! A big WRONG!

Teachers are there to teach them, yet, the learning doesn't stop at school. It needs to continue at home. You have to help your kids with their homework. It's called homework for a reason. The first word is HOME. I have a huge respect for teachers. After all, they are with my kids more during the school year, than I am. I am trusting them to take care of them when they're away from my husband, and I. I trust that they will not steer my child in the wrong direction during the time they're with them. If my kid comes home and says: "I got in trouble b/c Mrs. So and So did this or that." Wrong...you got in trouble because YOU did something, and Mrs. So and So disciplined you for it. If you want your kid to succeed, you and the teachers are a team. You have to communicate, and do it well. If you feel that you're child isn't grasping something, talk with the teachers and see what can be done to help. If your child is having issues with certain subjects, then ask for extra homework for those areas, or ask what else can be done to help them.

Now, they're are some teachers that are a little rougher around the edges with children, but I've been lucky that all of Molly's teachers have been nurturing, sweet, and fun. Molly may get upset with them with things, but she LOVES them. We've tried to raise our child to accept responsibility for her actions, and if she does something wrong, then she has to deal with the consequences of those actions.

"You can choose your actions, but you can't choose the consequences that result from those actions." I saw this quote one day during a very hard time in my life, and it's stuck with me very firmly.

Help your kids learn how to be respectful, and fabulous people in today's society. It's okay to make mistakes, but LEARN from them, and move on. Molly recently had to deal with a situation recently at school. She had tickets that were supposed to go towards Homeworkopoly. She left them in an area where they ended up being thrown away. All of the children were warned when it started: "Keep your tickets in your bag, in your binder." The teacher warned that if she found them, they would be thrown away. Well, Molly didn't have them her binder, came home, and tried saying I lost them. I knew that she had them at school, and that she would soon realize that she had left them at school. Well, she did, but unfortunately, it was too late. They had been thrown away. I didn't blame the teacher. I told Molly that she needed to take better care of her things, and be responsible with them. She had already been warned, and she now had to deal with the consequences of her actions.

Now, I'm not saying that all teachers are sweet, loving, and talk in baby tones. No, that's not the case. I've been lucky to have teachers for Molly that I feel comfortable with, love, and trust with my child. They have helped me, turn her into an extremely smart and sweet girl. They love her, and they want her to be a successful member of society.

If you want to know what's going on at your kids school, be INVOLVED. Talk to the teachers, get to know them, get to know the principals, get INVOLVED. There are tons of ways to be involved, and it doesn't always require you to be at the school every day, all day. Find what works for you, and your schedule, and do it.

Once again, help the teachers help your children succeed. It doesn't stop at school, it continues on in the home as well.

This is Molly and one of her teachers this year. I have to say again, Molly absolutely loves her teachers, and so do we. We're big supporters of them, and everything they do. If you have concerns, go to the teachers, or the principal. Don't feel like there is nothing that can be done. It doesn't hurt anything to ask questions.

Meet Chloe.

I absolutely love this new little friend of mine. She is my partner in crime, and has tons of space for me. I can see us being great friends for a long time. She's sweet, cute, pretty, and such a pretty color. I've always wanted a Chloe, and since we're not sure if we're having anymore kiddos, she got that name. So, meet my new friend.... (in case you can't tell, it's a camera bag.) ;)

Bacon and Sun-Dried Tomato Penne

I'm posting this yummy recipe at the request of Miss Jamie... ;)

This recipe was a really good, yet light dinner. During the summer I find it hard to want to do heavy cooking, b/c hey, it's 5,000 degrees outside. So, for this meal I did, this pasta dish, with Ciabatta rolls, and green beans. Salad would be good too. ;)

Bacon and Sun-Dried Tomato Penne

2 1/4 cups uncooked penne pasta

1 container (10oz) refrigerated Alfredo pasta sauce

1/2 cup dry-pack sun dried tomatoes, cut into julienne strips (I actually just cut up 3 Roma tomatoes instead, and it was fabulous).

6 slices bacon, crisply cooked, crumbled (don't worry if you cook it slightly too long, b/c the juice from the sauce helps moisten it a little)

1/4 cup chopped fresh basil leaves (I actually omitted this, b/c Lily isn't too keen on "grass" in her food.) ;)

1) Cook and drain pasta as directed on package.

2) Meanwhile, in 1-qt. saucepan, heat Alfredo sauce and sun-dried tomatoes over low heat 6-8 minutes, stirring occasionally, until thoroughly heated, and tomatoes are plump.

3) In large serving bowl, toss cooked pasta w/ Alfredo sauce mixture. Top with bacon and basil. Sprinkle with freshly ground pepper, if desired. *I think next time I make this, I may add some grated mozzarella as well, and have it melt all over.

So there you go, yummy and light summer meal. =) Let me know what you think.

Happy 4th of July!

I'm really bad at blogging, this I know. I'm going to try to do better. Honestly. I am. For now though,

a 4th of July greeting from my cutie pie girls. They had fun with this short and I mean 5 minute short, photo shoot.

Happy 4th of July!!!

Brett Ashcraft & Michael Buble...

I remember the first time I ever heard Michael Buble. Brett had heard him at work from his co-worker Joe. Uncle Joe as the girls call him. Joe is fabulous and so funny with the girls. Okay, back to Michael & Brett, or else I will need to title this: "Joe."

Brett loved Michael Buble. He still does. When I first heard him, my first thought: "Nope, don't like him, he sounds too classical for me." Well, Brett had me listen to a couple of his songs, and I then went from not liking him, to...well, somewhat liking him. Brett has a tendency to OVERPLAY songs. I like them, then he overplays them, then I can't stand them. Well, that didn't happen with Michael Buble. I started to love him. I now have a ton of favorites from this wonderful singer, and have my husband to thank.

There are a ton of songs that I love just b/c they remind me of my feelings for my wonderful husband. The man that almost 7 years ago I married. The man that took Molly on as his child when her biological dad didn't. The man that has been my rock during a lot of shaky times. The man that I love with all of my heart, and truly feel comfortable with. The man that is so amazing with our children. The man that has been extremely supportive of my decision to have a photography business and listens to me talk about various things with the business, even though he has heard them all before. The man, who when I do something silly, but yet annoying...he just smiles and shakes his head. Also, the man that has been juggling, school, work, and church for the last 100 years (okay, so it seems that long), I mean 7 years just because he wants to support his family, and knew that's what it took. However, during those 7 years he has come away from school with 2 (well the 2nd one will be in a week!) degrees, and a certificate, and is only one semester away from having another bachelors degree. Wow. Brett sure is fabulous if you read this last little paragraph. MMMM....to keep him from getting a big head, maybe I need to go and erase some of that. Lol. Just kidding. So, to summarize this, I absolutely love that Brett introduced me to wonderfulness that is Michael Buble. Now I have even more songs to store into my memory that remind me of my wonderful husband, and all the memories we have to share.

I have another reason to list why I love Brett. It's b/c he is the man that when I'm trying desperately to get a picture of my cute little family on Easter, and my kids aren't cooperating, he flashes a big ole smile and gives me a wonderful picture. Now Lily isn't looking at the camera, but Brett and Molly are. Molly is actually in the process of laughing b/c I was on the other side of the camera saying: "Seriously?! Can't you guys give me ONE, just ONE picture, where everyone is looking at me?" This is what I got...but I will always remember what is going on in this picture. Brett, you're pretty fabulous. Just sayin'.

Easter 2011

Holy Heck!

My gosh, it's been a long time since I've posted here. Here is what the Ashcrafts look like now...in case you forgot since I haven't posted in FOREVER!!!





I had the best intentions of using my business blog as a mix of both. Well, now I'm wanting more of a better way to post for my family b/c I want to start doing the blog books. Well, I decided that if I wanted to do that, I should probably start posting on my family blog again. So, I'm going to try REALLY hard to post to this, and post family stuff just every now and then on my business one. That way I still have some of "me" on my business, but don't have to have the photography stuff printed along with the family stuff in a book. It's been crazy since I last posted, and I need to get to some laundry, b/c Brett needs brown socks, not khaki. Yea, okay...whatever. I still call them brown, just a LIGHTER brown. I will post again in the next couple of days, and catch everyone up on what's been going on with this Ashcraft family. We've been a busy family, but Brett is less than 3 weeks away from being done with school, so that busy life will come to an end shortly.

So for now, I'm off to wash brown socks, and that's it. JUST BROWN SOCKS. Can you tell I'm feeling a little humorous today. ;)

*BIGGER IS BETTER*

*BIGGER REALLY IS BETTER*

I found this awesome article that really helps calm your nerves about getting *big* prints or canves' for your wall. I posted this over on my photography website, Photography by Melle, but am also posting here since friends, clients, and family read this blog as well. Some like to think that an 8x10 is plenty big, and cringe at the thought of trying to put something bigger on your walls.

I will admit...before I started doing photography, I was one of those people. I would think that an 11x14 was too big. BOY WAS I WRONG! I LOVE, and I repeat LOVE BIG! BIGGER IS BETTER!

Here is an awesome article that can really help you next time you're trying to figure out if you should go bigger! It will make you feel so much more comfortable getting that big beautiful print or canvas.

Bigger IS Better!!